Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Secret Lovers. THAT'S What We Are.

Pretty much how I look doing thrusters.
Oh, "Fran". You are SUCH a bitch. I hate you and love you all at the the same time.  My emotions are so conflicted. I can't even tell you the last time I did her (that's what he said) and it really showed. "Fran" is 21-15-9, thrusters and pull-ups, for time, and 65# is prescribed weight for females. I did 45 pounds, part banded pull ups, but mostly jumping pull-ups. There is nothing more humbling than knowing that you used to do RX "Fran"...and want to die, of course...but RX nonetheless...and now having to swallow your pride and do the bar for thrusters and jumping pull-ups. That's ok. Keepin' it real. Real out of shape, kids...real out of shape.

Jen, however, had her first experience with "Fran" and she did great! She probably hates me today, but she'll come back for more. I really liked her hashtag she used yesterday, #iwillnotbeafattyatforty. Samsies, Jen...samsies. Besides, I go to Costa Rica in T minus 38 days. What does that even mean...T minus whatever? I would prefer to not have to hide behind my moo moo swimsuit and dresses while I'm there. Then in March, we have spring break with the kids in Florida and 40th is in April. I must stay strong in my quest to get my fit self back by 40. Time keeps on slippin' slippin' slippin', into the future. 

What is going on with this yoga business. I find myself really looking forward to it. I actually hurt my back really bad doing yoga once. The instructor even told me that she had never heard of anyone doing what I did. Of course. Leave it to me. We have always had a tumultuous relationship, yoga and I. Now, secret lovers? That's what we are? Trying so hard to hide the way we feel 'cause we both belong to someone else. But, we can't let it go, 'cause what we feel is oh so real, so real, so real. (The student in me wonders if I need to cite that. Footnote maybe?) Well, whatever. I'm gonna get weird with it. 

So, here I am at day 10. For those of you not familiar, here is what day's 8-9 are supposed to be like. Pretty much spot on this time around for me (from  

Day 8-9: For the love of Gosling, my pants are TIGHTER.
You’ve made it through the Hangover, and managed not to kill ALL the things, and you’re starting to feel like things are back on level ground again. Then, you put on your pants. They’re just pants, completely normal pants. In fact, they’re the pants you wore just three days ago. (You were too tired to wash them. It’s okay, we understand.) And three days ago, they fit. But this morning you had to take a big deep breath to get that button where it ought to be. What gives?!

The same processes that ran over you like a truck a few days ago are still working their magic in your body. Your body composition is not actually changing for the worse, we assure you. The enzymes that digest your food and the millions of bacteria that live in your gut are adjusting to your new intake of meat and vegetables, and the lack of easy-access sugars. This is something they do naturally, and these adjustments have contributed to humanity’s ability to flourish throughout our history. However, these adjustments can be a bit… uncomfortable. Bloating, constipation, diarrhea, or all three may appear as your gut starts to heal, rebalance, and process this new food effectively. The good news is that most people find this phase passes relatively quickly, and their pants are easy to button again within a week or so.
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This is pretty much what I have to look forward to for days 10 and 11. Although, I don't expect it to be this bad this time around. However, I DO have family staying with me for these days...that could make it tough to resist going out to eat and have a cocktail or four. We shall see, I suppose:

Days 10-11: The Hardest Days.
Fact: you are most likely to quit your Whole30 program on Day 10 or 11. By this point, the newness of the program has worn off. You’ve made it through most of the unpleasant physical milestones, but you’ve yet to experience any of the “magic” the program promises. You’re still struggling to establish your new routine (read: you’ve eaten eggs prepared ten different ways over the last ten days), and while you’ve been trying really hard to have a good attitude, today you are incredibly aware of all the foods you’re “choosing not to eat right now.” Everywhere you look, you see the things you “can’t” have: the melted cheese on a greasy burger, the creaminess of that double-scoop cone, the cold beer in your best friend’s tailgate cooler. Dammit, this is hard! And right now you’re wondering if the results will really be as good as “they” all say it is.

You’re cranky, you’re impatient, and you’re really, really tempted to just eat the stupid cheese.

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I'm really ready for the "Tiger Blood" days..I wanna be "winning!"...and I want my jeans to fit me again.

P.S. I just got my syllabus for my next class, and I find out today what my assignments for my internship will be. Probably not the best of days to lay all of that information down on me. I'm not picking up what they are throwing down. I'm not. I don't want to. Okay, yes I am, but I don't like it. Now. Now I miss the wine.

P.P.S. Things I don't understand:
People that continuously have their brakes on in traffic. Um....are you even using the gas pedal? Maybe you should stop riding the person in front of you? And...women who have lipstick on their teeth. How? How do you do that? Are you eating it?

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